I took my earphone, phone and my water bottle went to the corridor, it was 3 in the morning, due to restlessness I was not able to sleep so thought of going to the balcony of my floor. As I reached the other side of the balcony, a friend of my roommate was sitting in a corner and didn’t look well, I went to her and asked Simran if everything okay, she hugged me tightly and started crying. I don’t know what to do, what to say. She calmed down after 10 minutes of continuous crying. I gave my bottle after 5 minutes of complete silence between both of us. Slowly I whispered What happens? She started telling me shruti this night is horrifying me. I am in love with the concept of unconsciousness of sleep, but what terrified me the most is to wake up to this same world and struggle every day with myself to pretend to be strong and to pretend as nothing happened to me, that broke me every moment.
She looked into my eyes, and believe me, the pain her eyes show is more horrifying to me. She said I am tired of pretending like everything is fine while nothing is on track. This hostel away from home looks so cool for others who are still there, but nobody knows how tough. When you are alone, and your old wounds still horrified you every moment, the fear of being alone pushed you into a group where you don’t feel to say anything. After two months of break up, now also I am affected by looking at my ex-photos. I am a cage in my mind. I need someone who can listen to me. I don’t want to feel bad for explaining myself, my emotions. After talking to Simran for continuously 2 hours, she hugged me at five in the morning and said I am feeling good, and thank you for talking to me. She went to the room, but my heart was still beating fast seated on the same side of the corridor realized how this darkness of night is so barren and worst for some people.
The incident has turned one year and two months but, I can’t get over the tears of Simran. That balcony and night keep reminds me of her. This incident is the best example in my life that we all need a listener. We all deserve to live free in our minds not to be a cage in these societal norms, and not to reach the standard of being cool according to this generation. Who is the happiest person? I believe in this generation is the person who maintains the peace around him and living according to himself wholly not to be pretending.
Shruti 